The Long Way Home
by Questfan
Summary: My entry for the 2018 Camp in the Pines over at Bonanza Brand. At fifteen, Joe thinks he knows what it is to be a man. Unexpected events tip his ideas upside down and he finds the road home is a lot longer than he thought.
1. Chapter 1

My entry for the _2018 Camp in the Pines_ over at Bonanza Brand.

My words were: a singer, unrequited love, in surgery and after the roundup. A bonus fish from the pond gave me the word kiss.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

 **The Long Way Home**

Hoss clenched his hand around the brush and kept on brushing down his sweat-streaked horse as if his life depended on it. Well, maybe it would be more honest to say that Little Joe's life depended on it because if he stopped, he might just use that same meaty fist and pound his little brother right into the ground. It wasn't like Hoss was easily riled, but lately it seemed that the youngest member of the family was bound and determined to act before thinking and in doing so, wind their pa up. That meant the effect always spilled over onto the rest of the family and quite frankly, Hoss was getting tired of it.

For months, Joe had been working on his father to get him to agree he was old enough to finish school. By the time he had finally agreed, Joe had been fit to bust. It seemed his little brother had himself already figured as a man as he reached the ripe old age of fifteen and he had set out to prove it to everyone else, especially their pa. And next up, to ol' Adam. Except in everyone's eyes but his own, the kid was still just a kid. It didn't help that the hands ribbed him mercilessly about his skills or lack thereof. Hoss knew that he'd come through it as both he and Adam had done before him, but Joe was different. His smaller stature was a source of torment to the boy and he found himself trying twice as hard to prove his point or show himself capable.

Hoss sighed as he worked out the last of his short-lived anger and he gave Chub a long scratch up behind his ear. The horse responded with a snort and Hoss found his lips curling into a reluctant smile. It wasn't like Joe intended to get their pa riled up. Fact was, he was trying to get his pa's respect, but Hoss thought he was just trying too hard and needed to let it come, natural like. Hoss put the brush back where it belonged and reached for the bucket to fill it with a measure of oats. As he finished off the job, Hoss found himself musing over how he had managed to earn his pa's respect. It wasn't something he'd given much thought to, but now that he did, he knew it was mighty important to him to have it. He knew how important it was to Joe too and he smiled to himself as he headed for the house. He had some figurin' to do on how to help Joe help himself and figurin' always made him hungry. Good thing that Hop Sing already had that roast beef on the way for dinner.

* * *

Ben watched as his youngest son slowly hauled himself up the stairs after only three games of checkers with Hoss. The usual spring in his step was missing and he knew the boy was aching. Not that Joe wanted to let anybody know that, but it was clear to all of them that he was exhausted. It had been less than four weeks since he had reluctantly agreed to let Joe finish up his studies. Adam had openly shared his thoughts that Joe was capable of more and as too often happened, his youngest barely took in his eldest's words and flared up with anger. It wasn't that he didn't agree that Joe was smart enough to take on a college education, but it was abundantly clear that the boy's interests lay outside of a schoolroom.

Adam barely acknowledged Joe's departure and Ben wondered how they had fared for the second day in a row out on the fence line. The two had been decidedly cool towards each other over dinner and he had barely stopped himself from commenting on it. They needed to work out their new work arrangement themselves and he would stay out of it as long as the work was getting done in a timely manner. Of course, there were ways to check without letting on that he was checking and several of his trusted hands would subtly drop information as they felt necessary. As always, it was a juggling act in allowing Joe to find his feet while bringing correction or reining him in when required.

Ben rubbed his hand along his jawline as he thought back on the last few weeks. Of his three sons, Joe was by far the most obstinate. While Adam could also dig his heels in, he had at least earned the right to stand his ground. His ideas were usually thoroughly thought through whereas Joe's were so often spur-of-the-moment. He had yet to earn his place among the hands and chafed under his older brother's direction. Ben glanced over to where Adam was supposedly reading a book and noted his eldest was not reading a thing. He seemed more focused on the flames in the fireplace and Ben felt his mouth twitch into a smile as he carefully weighed his words.

"Something on your mind, Son?"

It took Adam a few seconds to look up at the sound of his father's voice and Ben knew he'd guessed correctly. Hoss paused as he held the last of the checkers in his hand and almost held his breath. Adam's next words could cause his little brother a world of grief if he'd managed to rile Adam again. He'd also picked up on the tension between them and thought he had a fair idea what was behind it. He wasn't prepared at all for what actually came out.

Adam shook his head and closed his book. He had no idea what the pages said anyway. He'd spent the last few hours trying to decide how he would handle what had happened earlier in the day and now his father's question hung between them. When he didn't reply, his father tried again.

"I noticed things were a little tense between you and Little Joe tonight. Anything I should know about?"

Adam felt himself caught between loyalty as a brother and wanting to protect Joe from himself. In the end, protection won out. He knew that Joe would consider it as a betrayal, but it wasn't something he could just ignore or hope would go away on its own.

"Pa, I know that Joe needs to carry a gun, but …"

The boy had been taught by all three of them to respect guns since he was old enough to pick one up. Safety had been drummed into him over and over. The Ponderosa was a big place and Ben fully understood that his boys needed to know how to defend themselves and despite some misgivings, had given Joe his first gun along with a strict lecture. He wasn't sure that Joe had been listening as his hands ran all over the finely crafted weapon. His felt his heart rate lift as Adam paused and he thought he knew what was coming next.

"What did he do?"

Adam twisted his fingers together and thought back to what had happened hours earlier. Joe was determined to be the quickest draw in Virginia City or even the whole of Nevada. Some months ago he'd seen a professional gunslinger pull his pistol and twirl it around his finger before shooting another man down. Adam still felt his gut churn at the admiration on his younger brother's face at the man's skill and apparent lack of concern at another man's needless death. Of course, Joe had been suitably contrite about it after Adam gave him a dressing down, but nothing had settled his fear over that look on Joe's face.

"He was practising his draw and he …"

Ben shifted forward in his seat and frowned at Adam's words. "He what?"

Adam felt uncomfortable under his father's gaze and tried again. "We'd taken a break to eat lunch and I went down to the creek to refill the canteens. Joe didn't hear me coming back and he … well he had his gun aimed at me … no … that's not fair … aimed in my direction when I came back out of the treeline."

Adam heard Hoss suck in a sharp breath as Ben's brow creased into more of a frown. There might be a difference in intent, but there would be no difference in outcome if Joe had fired and they all knew it.

"I've warned him already about this fool idea he has. I didn't raise my sons to be gunslingers!"

"Pa," Adam began and found himself cut off by a wave of his father's hand.

Ben got up and walked across to the credenza where four gunbelts lay, neatly coiled up beside each other. He lifted the newest and shiniest one and pulled the Colt from the holster. He made sure that Joe had already emptied the chamber of its bullets before walking towards his chair with the pistol.

"I thought he was ready for this responsibility, but it seems I was mistaken."

"Pa, you can't …" Hoss stopped as his father looked up at him. Joe had begged for the right to carry a gun and it counted as a measure of his manhood as far as he was concerned. "It was his birthday gift!"

"I can, Hoss and I just did! He has proven he's not ready for the responsibility yet. I will return it to him when he's earned my trust to carry it again."

Adam rubbed his hand across his face, knowing full well that Joe would place the blame squarely on his shoulders.

"Don't worry, Adam. I will deal with the boy in the morning."

Hoss looked at his older brother and could almost read his thoughts. They had all agreed that Joe was a natural with a gun and it was a skill that needed to be refined since it needed no encouragement. Joe's enthusiasm and recklessness had led to enough arguments already and now he would see Adam as the reason he'd been punished. Hoss was once again very glad he wasn't wearing Adam's boots!


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

The previous five days felt like five weeks. Adam had endured his brother's fury as Joe had raged at him and then refused to speak to him unless absolutely necessary. Pa had put a stop to it all three days earlier by loudly threatening a trip to the barn and Joe had been horrified to realise his father actually meant it. All his hard work to be counted a man had been undone in five minutes as Adam had been all too keen to undermine him. Adam may have tried to weasel his way out of it, but Joe knew better. His older brother was always right and he enjoyed proving himself when Joe was apparently always wrong. He allowed the thoughts to stew in his gut as he rode along behind Adam and occasionally favoured his older brother with hateful glares. Of course, Adam didn't bother to turn around in the saddle even once so had no idea of the looks he was attracting. Or perhaps he did and had no wish to see them.

The worst part, as far as Joe was concerned, was the humiliation that was coming once they reached town. He'd been only too keen to show off his new pearl-handled Colt and hand-tooled holster and gunbelt. Riding to town without it was akin to riding in buck naked. Somebody would be sure to ask about it and he would have to think of something to explain its absence. Not that Adam cared. Adam didn't think he'd been old enough to wear it in the first place. Adam thought he still belonged in school, like a child! Adam held sway with Pa and Joe obviously didn't.

If it hadn't been for Pa's insistence that he take Joe with him, Adam would have gladly left his brother behind. He could see through his father's plan and knew that somehow he needed to make peace with Joe, but he had no idea how to do that. He could certainly understand Joe's anger at having his pistol taken from him, but Adam couldn't shake the fear that Joe would get himself into trouble with it. He recognised his brother's raw talent and knew that it could be used, along with Joe's sizable ego to goad him into doing something foolish. Adam barely held back a muttered oath as he knew just how easily his brother could find himself in a no-win situation, facing a gun he couldn't outshoot. It was a fear his father had shared one night as he debated giving Joe his birthday gift. For the moment at least, Joe had some time to grow up before he would be allowed to carry another weapon.

As he pulled up alongside the hitching rail, Adam turned towards Joe. Pa had already given the boy a list of instructions, but Adam wanted to try again to declare a truce.

"How about we get these jobs done and meet back at Miss Daisy's for some pie?"

It was a treat that would normally have had Joe grinning, but he wasn't interested in spending any more time in town than he needed to. The longer he was there, the more chance he'd run into someone who would ask about his missing holster and gun.

"I've got chores to do before dinner. Can't be seen to be slacking off, can I now?"

Adam sighed as Joe swung down from the saddle and flung his reins over the hitching rail. "Suit yourself then. I'll be down at the bank when you've finished."

Joe was half way down the boardwalk before Adam dismounted from his horse. He reached into his saddlebag and pulled out the wad of papers his father had given him earlier. There was a still a lot of work to be done to convince the bank to fund his father's latest plan, but both of them were confident it would come through. Adam pushed aside his misgivings about Joe and plastered on a confident face as he headed for the bank. Joe and his sour attitude would keep until later.

Over the next hour or so, Joe managed to get the jobs done on his list and he stuffed the piece of paper back into his top pocket. He knew his father gave Hoss and Adam written instructions from time to time, but still, it felt like he was back in school as he ticked off the chores. One day … one day he would be counted in the same manner as his brothers. One day his pa would see he was a man too. Joe kicked at a rock as he crossed the street and made his way towards the bank. That day wasn't today!

Harrison Warlow had been in Virginia City for less than three months, but he already knew the Cartwrights generally made for a good investment. He had spent the better part of forty minutes reading through the information that Adam had brought in with him and he could feel the young man's eyes on him as he finished up. He wasn't about to give anything away as he was still proving himself to the bank board. It wasn't like he wanted to waste bank money on a project with no legs.

Adam barely managed to keep his impatience to himself as he watched the man reading and re-reading the paperwork. His father had already been into town twice to review the application and he knew that Warlow was just being thorough. Still, he needed to be done and on his way home some time before sundown.

"Adam, there's just a couple of calculations I need to do so why don't you take a seat outside and I'll be out shortly?"

Adam swallowed down the annoyance he felt as he knew the calculations had been done in full, several times over.

"Of course." He twisted his hat through his fingers as he made his way out from the manager's office and nodded as he saw Joe coming through the door.

"Everything done?"

"All done."

Adam smiled as he pointed to a bench near the door. "I shouldn't be too much longer. How about you wait over there?"

He watched as Joe seated himself on the bench and folded his arms across his chest. He debated sitting down alongside the boy, but quickly realised that Joe wouldn't appreciate it. Instead, he moved across the room and leaned up against the closed teller's booth. It was a quiet day and only one teller was open. Adam smiled across at Sarah and tipped his hat. She nodded shyly as she continued with her work and tried to concentrate on her additions.

Adam was about to go and knock on the manager's door when the main door swung open and three men strode in. If the bandanas pulled up across their faces didn't alert him, the drawn guns certainly did. He glanced across at Joe and tried to warn the boy to stay put. He didn't need Joe making an impulsive move and jeopardising them all. For his part, Joe's hands clenched around the bench seat and he looked as if he was ready to spring forward.

The leader of the trio stepped forward with his gun pointed squarely at Adam's chest. "Hand over that gun of yours, real slow."

Adam carefully drew his gun from its holster and turned it butt-first before reaching towards the man. It was snatched out of his grasp and the man shoved it into the back of his gunbelt before turning and surveying the rest of the room. He caught sight of Joe and waved his gun towards him.

"You there, you don't move a muscle!"

Joe glared at him, but thankfully kept his mouth shut.

The second of the three men had already moved to cover the door and was watching the street outside through the window. He eased the blind down and kept the muzzle of his gun between the blind and the glass.

Adam found himself being forced back from the teller's booth as the third man threw a sack towards Sarah.

"Fill it up and hurry up about it!"

Sarah's hand shook as she picked up the burlap sack and began to pull notes from the tray beneath the bench. She glanced across at Adam and he smiled at her.

"Just do what they said. It's going to be fine."

"Shut up, you!" The man growled at him as he waved his gun in Adam's face. "Or I'm gonna shut you up!"

When he finally found the courage to replay the events later, Joe knew that that was the moment when it all went to hell. Sarah screamed as she saw Adam was about to be shot. Joe pushed off from the bench and grasped desperately at Adam's gun from the man's belt. He was wrong-footed as he lurched forward and took aim at the second man's back.

It wasn't supposed to go that way.

It wasn't supposed to at all.

Somebody was shouting something as he stumbled closer to his brother. Joe couldn't feel his fingers as they instinctively squeezed the trigger. He saw the man in front of him dive sideways and he felt his heart stop as Adam fell back and slumped against the wall. He tried to call out, but the words choked in his throat.

"You stupid kid! You done got him killed!"

The words echoed around him as Joe stared at Adam, desperately willing him to move. Instead he felt fingers dig into his shoulder and he found himself looking up into an irate face as a fist slammed into his jaw. He stumbled backwards and sagged onto the floor.

The lookout at the door was shouting something about the sheriff and the first man had pushed Sarah out of the way to finish filling the sack.

Joe felt an arm snake around his neck and haul him to his feet as he watched events unfolding as if he was watching a dream. Only it wasn't a dream. It was a nightmare and nobody was going to come and turn up the lamp and shake him awake.

"You there … open up that safe!"

He watched as the new bank manager shuffled across the room; a pistol aimed at his back. Voices from outside told him that Roy had arrived, but that didn't matter. Joe stared across the room at Adam and felt hot tears trailing down his cheeks. His brother was dead and it was all his fault.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

"Now Ben, you gotta calm down and listen to me!" Roy grasped at his friend's arm and tried to get him to stand still.

Ben shook Roy's hand off his arm and glared at him. "You said it was the Davis gang."

"Yep."

"Roy, those three have been robbing banks from here to California!" He sagged against the nearest chair and leaned on the back of it. "How could you just let them take Joe with them?"

The sheriff sucked in a sharp breath and tried again. "Ben, it weren't like I had much choice in the matter. That oldest one, Seb, he had Little Joe and threatened to shoot him in the head iffn we didn't let them through."

"He'd have done it too, Ben."

Ben turned back towards the new bank manager who had been sitting at Paul's table with a cloth wrapped around his head. The blood trail that had oozed out from under it had finally stopped, but the headache had not eased one bit and he reached tentative fingers up behind his neck to massage at the muscle.

"He'd already shot Adam."

Ben glared at the man as the last of his adrenaline-fuelled anger faded into fear. He looked towards the closed door and wondered again how long it would be before Paul would come and tell them what was happening. It had been almost three hours since a renowned gang of bank robbers had shot up the bank and escaped by using his youngest son as a shield to stop Roy and his deputy from doing their job.

Roy stepped forward and tried again. "Ben, we got a posse ready to go and we'll find Little Joe and bring him back."

He stopped short of making a promise he knew he would be hard-pressed to keep. Before Ben could answer him, Hoss eased in beside his father.

"Pa … I'm gonna ride with the posse and you stay here'n take care of Adam."

It was easy to misjudge the young man and mistake him for someone much older than his twenty-one years, but Roy recognised the resolve in his eyes. He wouldn't quit until he brought his brother home – one way or the other.

"Hoss … you can't …"

Ben reached out to the only son he still could and gripped onto his shoulder.

"Pa … Little Joe needs me to help find him and Adam needs you right here when he wakes up." It was such a matter-of-fact statement that Ben could not argue with him. Hoss' tracking skills were well known in the region and the posse needed his son out there. Finally he simply nodded and watched as Hoss and Roy headed for the door. "I promise I'll bring him back, Pa."

Ben slid down into the chair and dropped his head into his hands. As much as he tried to banish the thought, he wondered if he was going to lose both of his sons before the day was through.

* * *

Paul walked over towards the basin and dipped his hands into the tepid water. He watched as dried blood mingled with the water and it swirled around the basin. There was far too much blood on his hands and he sighed as he reached for the towel. The bullet had gone in deep and it had taken far too long **in surgery** for him to dig it out. As he turned back towards his patient, he sent up a silent plea for help. He'd done all he knew how to do and now he needed God to do his part.

By the time he had cleared away the bloodied instruments and tidied up the area, he glanced up to check the time. It had been over three and a half hours since two men had carried Adam into his office and dropped him onto the bed with no further explanation other than someone had shot him. The black shirt had served to initially hide the amount of blood and he was acutely aware of just how close his patient had come to bleeding out. He looked towards the door and took a moment to pull his shoulders back and square up to facing the family he knew would be outside.

As the door to the clinic swung open, Ben leaped to his feet. "Paul? How is he?"

The doctor walked out and pulled the door closed behind him. He looked around the room and was surprised to see the only other occupant was Harrison Warlow. Someone had wrapped a makeshift bandage around the man's head, but before he could say anything about it, Ben was right in front of him.

"Paul?"

The doctor reached a hand out towards his friend and gripped onto his shoulder. "He's alive."

He felt the tension under his fingers and he hurried on.

"He's lost a lot of blood, but I got the bullet out and tied off the bleeder."

"Can I see him?"

"Of course, but …" Paul paused as he looked towards the outer door. "Do the boys know what's happened? Where are they?"

Ben nodded without speaking and Paul felt his gut constrict. Something was very wrong if they weren't there too with their father, waiting for news on their brother.

"Hoss rode out with the posse half an hour ago."

"Posse?"

Harrison cleared his throat as he heard the doctor's unspoken question. "The bank was robbed. They took Little Joe."

Paul felt his fingers tighten on his friend's shoulder. He didn't need to say anything as there was nothing that would help so he pointed towards the door.

"Let's check on Adam while we wait."

Ben moved slowly towards the other room, as if afraid of what he might find. He felt Paul's calm presence beside him as he caught his first glimpse of his son. Adam's skin was pale even against the white sheet and he had to move closer to assure himself that his boy was even breathing. He reached out to take hold of the closest hand and wrapped his fingers around Adam's.

"You're going to be just fine, Son."

Paul patted his shoulder once again as he headed out to the other room to check on his other patient and to find out what on Earth had happened.

* * *

Joe had no idea which way the men were riding and to be honest, he didn't much care. The one he was sharing a horse with had dragged him from the bank with a gun pressed against his throat while the whole town stood and watched. Roy had said something to him as he shuffled past. Something about it all being okay. But Roy didn't know what he knew. Roy had yet to walk into the bank and find his brother's body and have to share that news with their pa. Which would be followed by the even worse news that it was Joe's bullet that had killed him.

"Hey, Seb! We gotta stop and check on Will."

Joe didn't bother to look behind him to know who was speaking. He felt the horse beneath him being pulled up and an elbow in his chest shoved him backwards over the animal's rump.

The last of the day's light was fading as he lay on the ground and stared up at the sky. Boots walked past his head and he heard voices nearby, but couldn't find the energy to focus on what they were saying. Mutters turned into heated argument and finally Joe rolled onto his side to see two of the men arguing. The third sat slumped against a log and he vaguely wondered why.

"We gotta get that bullet out of him, soon! He's bleedin' real bad, Seb."

The eldest of the three brothers paced back and forth as he watched Bart try to wrap a makeshift bandage around his other brother's waist. He crouched down in front of Will and poked at his chest.

"You gotta hold on. We'll get you to the doc soon and you'll be just fine."

It sounded like something Hoss would say and Joe groaned and rolled away from the brothers before slowly climbing to his feet. Somebody must have got off a shot as they were leaving town, but he didn't really recall much of it anyway.

"Seb, we gotta get movin' and that kid's just slowin' us down! We don't need him no more."

Joe heard the threat in the words, but couldn't summon the energy to care. He watched as Seb hoisted his youngest brother to his feet and heard the young man groan in pain. Bart snagged his horse's reins and climbed up into the saddle before reaching down to pull his brother towards him. Will moaned again as his brother hoisted him upward and Bart wrapped his arms around him.

Seb hurried to his own horse and swung up into the saddle. He turned to where Joe still stood in the dirt and he drew his pistol from its holster. The sun had dropped below the horizon and the last streaks of red and purple lit the sky behind him as he pointed it straight towards the boy in front of him.

"You shoulda stayed put when I told you to, kid!"

Something stirred in Joe and he felt his feet moving before his thoughts caught up with them. He heard a bullet ping off the rocks near his head as he scrambled away, quickly followed by another one.

"Seb! We gotta go! The kid's gonna die out here without no water anyhow."

Joe felt his boots slipping on the rocks as he scrambled away, but thankfully no more bullets came after him.

* * *

Ben found himself nodding off as he slumped lower into the chair. It had been close to two days since Hoss had ridden out with the posse and so far there had been no news. He couldn't shake the fear that his youngest son was already dead, having served his purpose to get the gang clear of the town. Paul had been close by for the two days since he had dug a bullet out of Adam's chest and Ben was profoundly grateful for his friendship as well as his doctoring skills. He was beginning to find some hope that Adam just might come through after all, but his son still hadn't woken up. The colour of his skin had changed from a bluish tinge to a more lifelike shade and it was a good sign. Still, it had been far too close for comfort.

"Pa."

It was little more than a whisper and Ben jolted upright to see Adam watching him from drowsy eyes.

"Easy, Son. You're going to be just fine." He smiled as he edged closer and reached out to pat his son's arm.

"What … happened?" It was clearly an effort to speak and Ben tried to keep his face calm as he responded.

"That doesn't matter at the moment. You need to rest and we'll talk then." He reached across for the pitcher beside the bed and filled it with water. By the time Adam had taken a few sips, his energy had dissipated and he was once again asleep.

Ben watched as he son's features eased in sleep and he prayed that by the time he had to have that conversation, he'd have good news to share.


	4. Chapter 4

Thank you for the kind comments so far. They are always appreciated and I'm glad you are enjoying the story.

 **Chapter Four**

Hoss paused outside the doctor's office and chewed at his bottom lip. His pa wasn't going to like what he had to say since he'd returned to Virginia City without his little brother as he'd promised. Still, the good news was that they hadn't found a body. He pushed the door open and strode in with a confidence he didn't feel.

"Pa?" He knew Adam couldn't have been moved yet and would still be in the doc's side room, unless – well unless just didn't bear thinking about so he kept going and tried again. "Pa!"

"You found him?" Ben stepped through the door, anticipating his son wouldn't have returned without his brother in tow.

"Ahh … no, Pa." Hoss twisted his hat through his fingers and ducked his head. "But we found them bank robbers, Pa and Little Joe was okay when they left him."

"What? When they left him?" Ben reached for his son's shoulder and tried not to frown as he repeated his words.

"Well, Pa … seems one of them fellas had a bullet in his back and they had to stop. By the time we caught up with them, he was already dead. Bled out in the saddle."

Ben wasn't particularly concerned about the state of a dead bank robber. "Where was Little Joe?"

"Well, them two brothers gave up pretty quick when we got them surrounded and they told us how Joe ran off when they stopped some time earlier. Said they didn't know where he was." Hoss' voice trailed away as he looked up at his father. "We brought them two fellas back and I'm just gonna grab some more supplies and head back out and find him, Pa!"

Ben sighed as he saw his son's distress. "I'm coming with you. We'll find him, Hoss. We have to."

Hoss stared at his father, trying to determine if his father was leaving because Adam was better or if he …

"How's Adam doin'?" Hoss chewed at his lip as he waited for an answer.

"He's been awake a few times, but he's sleeping now. Paul says he going to be just fine, with plenty of rest."

Hoss smiled as he let out his breath. "Can I see him?"

Ben nodded as he patted his son's shoulder again. "Of course. He'll be glad to see you, but just don't say anything about Joe yet. Paul says he doesn't need the added stress."

"You mean he don't know Joe's missin'?"

"No and I don't intend to tell him either." Ben shook his head as if Hoss was going to argue with him. "Let's find Joe and then Adam doesn't need to be worrying about him."

"Sure, Pa."

"Okay, well I'm going to see Roy and I'll be back shortly."

As Hoss headed in to see how his other brother was faring, he wondered how he was going to keep such a secret from him. Adam didn't miss much and Hoss knew he had a terrible poker face.

"Hey, older brother. Pa says you're gonna be just fine."

Adam shifted against the pillow and tried to nod his head. If only it wasn't so hard to move and his head didn't feel like the worst hangover he'd ever had.

"Good … to know."

Adam slowly reached a hand towards his brother. "What's … happened … to Joe?"

Hoss frowned and looked at his feet as he tried to think of something to say. Adam grasped at his arm and tried again.

"Heard … you … and Pa."

It was pointless trying to lie and he knew it.

"Joe's missin'. Them fellas that robbed the bank took him to get themselves outta town. The posse found them and they said they dumped Joe somewhere so Pa and me …. we're headin' back out soon to find him."

Adam was battling to keep his eyes open as he nodded. "Then get … going. Joe … doesn't … like … to wait."

Hoss grinned at his brother's weak joke. Joe was the most impatient person they knew.

"Wouldn't want to make little brother mad."

"Never."

Hoss straightened up and headed for the door before turning back. Adam was already asleep."I'm bringin' him back. I promise!"

* * *

Joe tugged his jacket up around his neck and looked up at the sky. It was another cold morning, but hopefully the day would warm up as the sun rose higher. His feet ached and his belly grumbled in complaint. The small stream of water he'd found the night before had slaked his thirst, but it had been nearly two days with no food other than a few mesquite beans he'd snagged along the way. It was Hoss who'd shown him the beans and he'd laughed about them being cow food. But beggars couldn't be choosers and he was glad he'd listened to his older brother's wisdom. The thought of Hoss brought tears to his eyes as he imagined his brother learning what had happened in the bank. His brother who had always been so protective of him would soon change his tune once he knew what had gone down. Joe shook his head at the ugly memory of Adam falling silently to the floor and he scrubbed a hand across his face.

"I'm sorry!"

It had become a litany and he'd said it so many times in the last two days that he was sick of his own voice.

 _Sorry don't always fix things._

How many times had Hoss told him that one after he'd done something stupid? He'd never really taken it in until now. Somehow he'd always managed to get around things with charm and a ready apology, but not this time. This time, nothing would fix things.

Joe stumbled along the road he'd found with no idea of where it led. There had been no sign of horses or wagons and he figured it wasn't a very well-used track. It didn't matter anyway. Where was he supposed to go when he couldn't even begin to think of facing his father?

It would be another couple of hours before he saw the smoke. Somewhere up ahead was a cabin or a campfire. As he wandered over the crest of a hill, he saw the homestead come into view. It was small with only one outer building. The fences looked like they'd seen better days. Joe sucked in a breath and headed towards the front door. No matter what else, he needed food and was prepared to trade off some work for it.

"Hold it right there!"

Joe stopped before he reached the first step to the porch and found a rifle pointing at him through an open window. He instinctively raised his hands.

"I'm not armed. I don't want no trouble."

The front door slowly swung open and a man stepped through, still holding the rifle aimed at his chest.

"Who are ya?"

Joe didn't dare drop his arms. "Umm … my name's Joe."

"What happened to ya? Where's ya horse?"

Joe shrugged his shoulders as he wondered how to answer that. "I got thrown. I'm lost and … well I was wondering if I could do some work for you for a meal?"

The man lowered his rifle as he eyed up the scruffy kid in front of him. Emma wouldn't have ever said no to a stranger in need. He pointed to the side of the house.

"There's water 'round there. Ya can wash up before ya eat."

Joe licked at his dry lips and nodded as he slowly lowered his hands. The man disappeared inside and he headed for the water trough. It felt good to scrub off some of the dirt and he wiped his hands down his pants as he headed back inside.

The cabin was small and sparsely furnished. What was there may have been old, but it was well made. There were no female touches and Joe felt a sudden wave of homesickness as he recalled how much of his mother still graced his home. Not that it would ever feel like home again.

The man dropped a tin plate on the table in front of him with a couple of eggs and a scoop of beans beside it.

"Coffee's on the stove."

Joe looked around for a mug and poured himself a coffee before sliding into the seat. Pa had always expected they wait for everyone to be seated before starting to eat, but his hunger got the better of him as he hoed into the eggs. Joe barely noticed as the man sat down across from him and began eating his own breakfast.

"Name's Jacob."

"Thanks, Jacob. I appreciate the food."

Jacob grinned at him as he watched the kid wolf down the plateful. "Can see that."

* * *

Six days had come and gone as the men tracked back and forth across the same ground. The two remaining bank robbers had insisted that his son was still alive last time they saw him, but Ben recognised desperate men when he saw them. To admit to killing the boy would put a noose around their necks.

"Come on, Pa. Let's go see how Adam's doin'?"

Hoss watched as his father stared at Joe's horse safely tucked in her place in the barn. They had brought her back the day before when Paul had finally agreed it was safe for Adam to be taken home. Ben jolted at his son's voice and turned towards the house. He still had another son who needed him.

Adam was awake when he heard boots on the stairs and he tried to shift upwards in the bed. He pulled a face at the pain, but managed to contain the groan by clenching his jaw tightly. Paul had told him he'd had to dig deep for the bullet and he would be feeling the effect of the surgery for some time to come. He badly wanted one of the pain draughts sitting on the bedside table, but he wouldn't touch it until he'd spoken with his father.

The door swung open and he knew without asking that they'd had no success. Hoss trailed in behind his father and the two of them looked wrung out.

"Pa?"

Ben shook his head as he sat down beside the bed. Adam had been rehashing the events of that day and still couldn't piece things together. The last clear memory he had was the man closest to him aiming the gun his way and threatening to shoot him before somebody screamed. He assumed it was Sarah, but after that there was nothing. Somehow he'd lost his little brother in the mayhem and he had no idea how.

The one thing that was crystal clear to him about that day was the fact Joe was so angry with him. There was so much he needed to say. So much he wished he could make Joe understand. He'd give his right arm to have taken Joe for that piece of pie instead of being in the bank. He'd lectured his little brother about so many things and all he wanted was another chance to tell the kid … Adam shuddered as he thought on what he would say. After all his lectures on being a man and growing up, Joe was still just a kid and he wondered if he'd ever get a chance to grow up.

"Son? Are you in pain?" Ben reached for Adam's arm as he saw his son flinch.

"I'm fine, Pa."

Fine.

None of them were fine and none of them would be until he brought his youngest son home. He just didn't know where to look next.

* * *

Jacob watched as the kid saddled up a horse. He clearly could have done it with his eyes closed. Somebody had taught him well and he wondered again just where he'd come from. So far, he only had a first name and the kid held his cards close to his chest. Couldn't blame him really.

"You ready yet?"

"Coming!"

He almost laughed as the kid swung up into the saddle. Oh, the energy of youth! Jacob tugged at his own horse's reins and wondered briefly just where his own youth had gone.

"We gotta get up to the herd today and bring down the calves for branding."

Joe had seen the brands packed in the saddlebags, but he didn't recognise them. He held back a sigh as he knew it would soon be branding time on the Ponderosa. Not that he was allowed to do anything more than round up the cattle. Nobody deemed him old enough to wrestle a calf to the ground and place the pine brand on its rump. That was a job for the men and he was just a kid. A stupid kid!

Joe tried to shake off the raw emotion as he followed Jacob along the trail. The Ponderosa would be one man down for this branding. He knew that Pa would get one of the hands to replace Adam on the job and anybody could ride the roundup. Guilt stabbed at his gut as he rode along and he tried to shift his thoughts to the work of the day.

Jacob had agreed to bunk and beans until **after roundup** with a vague maybe after that. It seemed he had already hired on a couple of part-time hands and they were already up with the herd. By the time they arrived at the northern end of Jacob's small ranch, he could see the herd and the hands milling around. They barely acknowledged him as Jacob made the introductions and he was just fine with that. The last thing he wanted to do was talk to anybody.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five  
**

Two days of hard work kept Joe from having to talk with anyone for any more than the basics. Nobody had time for chatter as they roped, wrangled and branded the calves. The men had no interest in the new kid beyond wondering if he was up to the job. He looked kinda scrawny, but he soon proved he could pull his weight.

The second night, as they lay stretched out around the campfire, one of them decided it was time to start asking questions about how old he was and where he'd come from. Joe had no idea why he was suddenly so interested, but it soon slipped out.

"So kid, you still ain't told us what your last name is."

"It don't matter." Joe huddled into his bedroll and prayed they would stop with the questions.

"It does when there's a reward out for ya. Assumin' you're the one on the poster I saw in town the other day."

"What?" Both Joe and Jacob sat bolt upright and his new boss pointed a finger his way. "The law's after you?"

Joe swallowed down a gulp as he considered what Roy may have done.

"No! I haven't done anything!"

None of them missed the tone in his voice as it rose a couple of notches. Joe felt a sense of panic rising as he wondered about the poster. It was an accident! An awful, undoable accident. Roy must know that!

"Didn't say you had." The hand who'd first begun to prod was leaning on his elbow and staring at the kid across the fire.

Jacob had hired the two itinerant hands for the last couple of seasons, but he only knew them as competent employees and not much more.

"Then what are you saying, Mac? What reward? What poster?"

Mac ignored Jacob's question and continued to stare at Joe. "I only just put it together tonight. Your name's Cartwright, ain't it?"

Joe gulped like a fish out of water and the man just nodded at him.

"It was an accident! I didn't mean it!" Joe pushed himself out of his bedroll and staggered back from the fire. His heart was pounding as he recalled that awful day he'd tried so hard to bury.

Jacob was somehow in front of him and reaching for his arms as Joe floundered.

"What was an accident?"

The kid looked like he was going to throw up. Jacob tried again.

"Joe, what was an accident?"

Joe looked up with tears welling in his eyes. "I killed him."

The words were not much more than a whisper and he wasn't sure he'd heard correctly.

"Who? You killed who?"

"My brother."

"My God!" Jacob grasped at Joe's arms as the kid sagged to his knees. Jacob took a moment to pull himself together and tried to get some sense out of the boy. "What happened?"

Joe stared at him as he saw something in the older man's face. He'd expected judgement and all he saw was compassion. Not that he deserved it.

"They were robbing the bank and Adam … he told me to stay put. They took his gun off him and … and one of them was gonna shoot him. I couldn't just sit there and watch them shoot my brother!"

"Course not." One of the men across from him agreed vehemently. If only he'd listened to Adam and stayed where he was, it could have turned out so differently. They could have taken the money and ridden away with no casualties. But he had to prove he knew better than Adam.

"I grabbed the gun and tried to shoot one of the robbers … but … but I missed."

Joe's voice gave out on him as he buried his face in his hands.

"Son, you can't …" Jacob stopped as he struggled for something to say. "So you ran away?"

"No. They took me with them to get out of town without the posse following them. I got away when they stopped."

Jacob stared at the bowed head in front of him. "Then why didn't ya say somethin' before? Your family must be worried sick!"

Joe's head shot up. "I can't go home! I can't … I can't face my pa."

"Your pa put up a thousand dollar reward for you. Sounds to me like he wants you to come home." Mac had seen the poster and not given much thought to it other than thinking that was a whole lot of money. He'd heard of the Cartwrights and knew the old man could afford it, but still, it was a huge reward.

Joe stared at the man, barely taking in what he was saying.

"What?"

"That's a lot of money, kid. Even for Ben Cartwright!"

Joe swallowed down the bile in his mouth and tried to focus on what was being said. Pa had posted a reward for his return. He felt Jacob's grip on his arm and he tried to clear his head.

"Now it seems to me that you can keep runnin' or you can face up to what's happened."

 _You need to face up to your choices, Joe._

Adam's voice echoed in his thoughts. How often had he tried to make Joe see there were consequences to actions? He'd been trying so hard to prove to everyone that he was a man. Pa said a man took responsibility for his own actions and he'd run away from them. He owed Adam that much at least.

* * *

Hop Sing brought a fresh pot of coffee and a cup and placed the tray on the table in front of Adam. He was pleased to see his patient out of bed and sitting up in his chair by the fire, if only for a few hours. It was all Paul would allow, but it was a turn in the right direction. He frowned when he recalled the way Adam had argued about helping to look for his brother and his father's firm rejection of that idea.

Adam nodded his thanks and closed the book he'd been trying to read. It didn't matter what he tried, his thoughts would not stay focused on the page. He couldn't recall much of the story except for something about an opera **singer** and a stage hand who had fallen in love with her. His social class meant he would never have half a chance with her. Adam found his mind wandering as he considered the injustice of class structure. **Unrequited love** was just a small part of a much bigger picture of injustice.

Justice.

He snorted in frustration as he put the coffee cup back down. What kind of justice saw two bank robbers locked up and being fed three square meals a day while his kid brother could be dead in an unmarked grave somewhere? Just because they hadn't found any sign of one, didn't mean there wasn't one. As each day passed with no word, hope was beginning to fade.

Adam didn't hear the horses in the yard as his thoughts were miles away, but Hop Sing hurried towards the front door. He expected to see father and son returning and frowned when he saw a strange horse instead. He didn't recognise the man who climbed down from it, but he couldn't contain a shout as Little Joe stepped out from behind the stranger's horse.

Adam pulled himself up from the chair and hurried towards the door. He grabbed at his holster as he passed the credenza, but pulled up short as he saw who it was.

"Joe!"

His little brother was standing on the edge of the verandah, his mouth gaping open.

"Adam! But … how?"

It took only three short strides before Adam grasped hold of his brother and pulled him towards him. He felt Joe's arms wrap around his back and he held onto the kid as if his life depended on it.

Somewhere behind him, Hop Sing was rambling something he couldn't understand, but he got the gist of it. He felt the same way. Finally Adam pulled back and grasped at Joe's shoulders.

"Are you okay? Where have you been?"

Joe stared at him as if he'd gone mute.

"He's been at my ranch. Up by Blackwater. I'm Jacob Hurley."

Adam looked over at the man standing behind Joe. He looked to be in his fifties or so.

"I'm Adam Cartwright."

"Lookin' mighty fine there for a corpse."

Adam frowned at the man's comment. Joe still had a grip on his arms and he felt his brother's hands clench tighter.

"I thought … Adam … I …." Joe was struggling to speak and Adam turned towards the door, while pulling him inside. Joe wouldn't let go of his arm as he tugged his younger brother towards the sofa. Before he could ask, Hop Sing appeared with a glass of brandy and Adam thrust it into his brother's hand.

"Drink that, Joe. It'll help."

Jacob had followed them into the room and he watched as Adam helped his brother drink the brandy.

"The kid said you was a dead man. Said he shot you."

Adam looked up to see the stranger watching him closely. "I was shot, but not by Joe. By a bank robber."

Joe jerked against his grip and shook his head. "I saw it Adam. I fired your gun and Will moved outta the way. I saw you fall!"

He had tried desperately to scrub that image from his mind since that fateful day in the bank.

"Joe, you shot one of the bank robbers in the back. _He_ shot me. Not _you_!"

"What?" Joe's face was as white as a sheet and Adam hurried on.

"I know what kind of slug Doc Martin dug out of my chest and it didn't come from my gun." He grabbed at his brother's hands and squeezed them. "You didn't shoot me, Joe."

"But … I …"

"Joe, if you ever trusted me on anything, trust me on this. Roy's got that slug in his office. Evidence for the trial. I can prove it to you."

Jacob smiled to himself as he saw Joe relax for the first time since Mac had told them about the poster.

"You did nothin' wrong, kid."


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you for following along and I hope you've enjoyed things more than Joe has at least!

 **Chapter Six**

Ben pulled his horse up to the hitching rail and slowly dropped out of the saddle. His whole body ached as he had spent far too many hours on horseback with nothing to show for it.

"C'mon, Pa. Let me get the horses put up and you go and see what Hop Sing's fixin' for dinner."

Hoss reached for Buck's reins as he tugged his own horse towards the barn. He was getting mighty tired of riding out for days at a time and coming home empty-handed. Before he reached the barn, Hop Sing came running from the house, calling something in an excited mixture of English and Chinese.

"Mister Ben, you come quick!"

Hoss dropped the reins and hurried after his father, fearful that Adam had taken a turn for the worse. He raced through the open door and was stunned to see Adam sitting upright in his chair and looking better than he had in weeks. His brother was grinning at him and his father was crouched down in front of the sofa. Hoss moved closer and leaned over to see what had everyone's attention.

Little Joe lay sprawled out across the sofa in the same way he always had since he was a small boy. He was sound asleep and Hoss smiled as he half expected his father to tell his little brother to get his boots off the furniture.

"Joseph." Ben reached for his son's arm and nudged at him. His voice wavered as he tried again. "Son, wake up."

Joe jolted awake as he felt somebody shaking him and he opened his eyes to find a crowd of faces looking at him. He latched onto one and stared as his father reached out to him.

"Pa."

Ben reached a hand around behind Joe's neck and pulled his lost son towards him.

"Where in the world have you been? We've looked everywhere for you!"

"I'm sorry, Pa."

Ben shook his head as he ran hands over his son's arms, checking for injury.

"Are you alright, Son?"

"I'm fine, Pa. Honest!"

"I told Joe that you caught the bank robbers."

Ben nodded at Adam's comment, without taking his eyes of his youngest boy.

"They are in Roy's jail. Well, two of them are. One of them didn't make it."

Joe chewed on his lower lip as he considered that last part. Adam had already told him that his bullet had found its mark after all.

"Joe? What's wrong?"

Joe looked across at where Adam was sitting.

"I thought … I thought I knew what I was doing with my gun. I never figured how it would feel."

"How what would feel?"

Joe swallowed down the lump in his throat and tried to explain.

"To kill someone."

Joe felt his father's hand gripping his shoulder.

Adam pushed forward and sat down on the table in front of Joe. He and Joe had already had two days to discuss what had really happened that day, but it was clear the kid still hadn't come to terms with it.

"Joe, you saved my life when you shot that robber."

It wasn't how Joe saw it, but he really didn't want to talk anymore about guns or robbers or death. His father watched as Joe seemed to deflate in front of him. It was a fact of life in the West that a man would one day have to take another man's life. He just hadn't expected it would come at just fifteen years of age.

"Oh, Joe. I had no idea."

Joe didn't dare look up in case he saw the look of disappointment he'd seen too many times lately on his father's face.

* * *

It was almost midnight when Ben heard something in the room below. He reached down for his slippers and snagged his robe before heading for the stairs. He paused at the landing as he caught sight of a figure standing in front of the gun rack. It only took a moment before he realised it was Joe and he continued on down the stairs.

"Pa, I'm sorry. Didn't mean to wake you."

Joe's hand rested on the closest rifle stock and he snatched it back as he realised his father had seen him.

"Son, what are you doing?"

Joe turned and moved across the room, trying to pull his thoughts together. He had filled them all in on where he had been, but there was so much he'd left out. Parts he wished to just bury and forget about. Parts he was ashamed of.

Except a man took responsibility for his actions.

Joe slumped down onto the table and was vaguely aware as his father settled beside him.

"I thought it was just a game. Never took it seriously."

"What was a game, Joe?"

"Practising my draw. I just wanted to prove to everybody that I could do it better. I had bets with Mitch and I could always outdraw him by a mile." Joe shook his head as he thought about that day where the gunslinger took down an opponent in the street. He'd been so impressed and not really given much thought to the fact a man had died.

"That day … in the bank. I was so mad at Adam. I blamed him because you took my gun away. He told me to stay put, but I … I just wouldn't listen. I wasn't gonna take orders from him."

Ben didn't move as he waited for Joe to go on.

"I was so mad because I didn't have my gun, ready to defend myself. I just grabbed hold of Adam's gun and fired without thinkin' it through."

Joe scrubbed a hand across his face as tears threatened.

"I thought I killed him. I saw Adam fall down and I thought … I thought I killed my own brother."

Ben reached a hand across his son's shoulders as he kept silent.

"When I got away from the bank robbers … I couldn't come home, Pa. I just couldn't face you or Hoss."

"What changed?"

"Something Adam said."

"Adam?" Ben was confused at where the conversation was going and he was about to suggest Joe get some rest and they'd talk again in the morning.

"Ol' Granite Head is always tellin' me that a man takes responsibility for his actions. I could hear him, Pa … tellin' me to face up to my choices. I owed it to Adam to come home and tell you what happened."

Ben squeezed his son's shoulder again as he nodded at the explanation. "And what did you think would happen when you got home?"

Joe's gaze dropped to the floor as he tried to run from that fear that had dogged him all the way home. The fear that his father would send him packing once he knew his son had killed his own brother.

Ben allowed the silence to settle for a while, knowing full well where his son's thoughts had gone.

"Joseph … a man isn't measured by the size of his boots or how tall he is or even how old he is. At least that isn't how I take the measure of a man. All men make mistakes and many of them try to cover up those mistakes. They will lie and cheat and run away. A real man will stand up and admit his mistakes and then do something to rectify them."

Joe sat and stared at his feet, still not trusting himself to speak.

"Joseph, if what you thought really had happened … if it was your bullet that hit Adam … it would still have just been an accident. In the heat of a very stressful moment, you took action and it didn't quite go to plan.

"I didn't have a plan, Pa!"

"No … I guess not. But you wanted to defend and protect your brother … at whatever cost. Joe … I wish more than anything that this hadn't happened. That you could have stayed innocent of such things for just a while longer."

He rubbed at his son's shoulders once again.

"But I'm proud of you. You didn't lose your head. And, Joe … I'm very glad that you made the decision to come home."

"You know, Pa, Jacob and those two hands he hired, they all refused to ask for the reward money you posted. Adam tried to talk to Jacob about it, but he said he didn't want it. He said his Emma would have had his hide if he tried!"

Ben smiled as he looked at his young son's face. A thousand dollars was a small fortune to someone who couldn't save five dollars. Of course, he'd have paid it many times over if it brought his boy home.

"That's another measure of a good man. They don't put a price on things that are priceless."

Ben felt his son lean in closer to him and he did something he had not done in many years. He wrapped his arms around his boy and planted a **kiss** on the top of his head.

"There are some things that money just can't buy!"


End file.
